It's been awhile since I've posted so first I would like to say, some of my more colorful blogs have been deleted and I'm not happy about that one little bit. But what are ya gonna do, that's life, shit happens.
Update: So I relapsed back into that toxic relationship I was blogging about previously. I'm human, sue me. Fortunately this time it hasn't been as hard to deal with as the many many many times before. But alas, I don't want to dwell on the negative, although I my thoughts could turn negative as I write, you never know.
What I'd like to focus on are new beginnings. We've all heard "everything happens for a reason", "people come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime". Well, I let someone into my life 5 years ago and I have no idea what the reason is for him being here, in my life. He's definitely a seasonal "friend", he decides the season and he's definitely not a lifetimer, too many commitment issues, even as a friend. So why? I once asked him was there something I was supposed to learn from him being in my life? Why did God allow me to meet him in the first place? I was a very strong, confident (almost to the point of being cocky), happy, fun-loving person before I met him. Why was he allowed to come into my life and tear me down over and over and over again? The only thing I've learned is trust NO ONE. But I don't want to live that way. I refuse to believe that every male on this earth is "bad" and untrustworthy. So yet again I have a chance at a new beginning. Will I run with it? Will I cave again?
Yesterday and today was the start (and I hope it's only the start) of a very different, special, kind of new beginning. You see, for 5 years I was basically brain washed to hate someone I didn't even know. Well, the past couple of days I have gotten to know a little bit about her and found out I really dig this chick! She is strong, funny, down to earth, smart and easy to talk to. Talking with her has made me feel ok about life again. "He" is not MY problem, he is his own problem and I can't fix him, God knows I've tried!!!!!!!! I have to stop, it has gotten me nowhere except sleepless nights and so many tears. He was not worth one single tear that fell from my eyes. My problem is who I surround myself with. So maybe he was brought into my life so that she and I could be brought together, even though we've both had to go through hell to get there. I hardly know her and I trust her. I've known him for 5 years and trust nothing that comes out of his mouth.
So, here's to what I hope is a long lasting new beginning.
